Am I too nice, or should I be more of an A-hole? This question comes up a lot in my coaching conversations about leadership. As a coach, my job is not to answer that question directly. I help clients explore the question and draw their own conclusions, whilst at the same time framing and developing their own leadership style. However, it turns out that a branch of mathematics called game theory does provide us with an answer about which leadership style might be more effective. According to author W. Mitchell Waldrop, in his book Complexity: The Emerging Science at the Edge of Order and Chaos, :
Nice guys* – or more precisely, nice forgiving, tough, and clear guys – finish first.
In her book Changing on the Job: Developing Leaders for a Complex World author and leadership coach, Jennifer Garvey Berger outlines the four-stage path to growth that an individual might take to develop a more complex form of mind, and three specific habits of mind that a leader should cultivate to allow them to more successfully navigate a world of increasing complexity and ambiguity.
Changing on the Job is written for people who really want to understand the shape and features of adult growth so they can either support their own growth and development or support the growth and development of others. Being a book about complexity, not simplicity, it pleasingly avoids the temptation to provide a prescription for achieving a self-transformed form of mind. Instead, it really gets under the hood of what it takes to be a true leader with developed forms and habits mind.
The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever is a highly readable little book by Michael Bungay Stanier. It’s short on theory but long on practical tools and techniques that are a shot to the heart of good coaching. If you want to enhance your management and leadership style with a coaching approach, but don’t have the time or inclination for formal training, then you should pick up a copy. As Brene Brown says in the introduction to the book:
Coaching is an art, and it’s far easier said than done. It takes courage to ask a question rather than offer up advice, provide an answer or unleash a solution. Giving another person the opportunity to find their own way, make their own mistakes and create their own wisdom is both brave and vulnerable. It can also mean unlearning our “fix it” habits. In this practical and inspiring book, Michael shares seven transformative questions that can make a difference in how we lead and support.
Man’s Search for Meaning, by Victor Frankl, chronicles the author’s time as an inmate in the Auschwitz concentration camp during World War II. The early chapters do not make for easy reading but the book opens up into one of the deepest and most eloquent explorations of the meaning of human existence and man’s search for such meaning. This book is essential reading for anybody interested in the psychology of suffering, mental health, personal growth, and how to lead a happy life.
Striving to find a meaning in one’s life is the primary motivational force in man… This meaning is unique and specific in that it must and can only be fulfilled by him alone; only then does it achieve a significance which will satisfy his own will to meaning.
The words coaching and mentoring are often used interchangeably, though there are in fact important discernible differences. The late Sir John Whitmore, the founder of the coaching movement in the UK, explains what these differences are in his book Coaching for Performance, widely considered to be the industry gold standard for performance based coaching.
Paul Kalanithi, M.D., was a neurosurgeon and writer. He graduated from Stanford University in 2000 with a B.A. and M.A. in English Literature and a B.A. in Human Biology. He earned an M.Phil in History and Philosophy of Science and Medicine from the University of Cambridge before attending medical school. In 2007, Paul graduated cum laude from the Yale School of Medicine. He returned to Stanford for residency training in Neurological Surgery and a postdoctoral fellowship in neuroscience. In 2013 he was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer, though continued to work, completing his neurosurgery residency in 2014. He also authored the book When Breath Becomes Air, which detailed his journey through treatment and eventually his death in March 2015. He is survived by his wife Lucy and their daughter Cady.
Although I’d heard of this book before, I first stumbled across it in a charity shop about one month after I’d finished 5 months of chemotherapy for colorectal cancer. I cried my way through much of the book, but I had to read about Paul’s journey and his exploration of life and death. Continue reading
What does it take to be a great mentor? Talking at the launch of the Forward Partners mentor network event I shared my thoughts about mentoring entrepreneurs (Forward Partners are a leading London-based early-stage venture capital firm). I talked about the importance of listening and understanding, before giving advice, and suggested some questions that mentors can ask to helpfully open up a mentor conversation.
I started with a quote from Sal Virani’s recently released book Mentor Impact. Based on over 200 mentor interviews and extensive personal experience of working with accelerator programmes across Europe, he launches the book with a quote from one of the best mentors he interviewed (also a founder who had been through an accelerator programme). That person’s advice to other mentors: Continue reading
Sam Altman is the President of Y-Combinator, an American seed fund with investments in over 840 companies including Dropbox, Airbnb, Stripe, Reddit, Zenefits, Instacart and Weebly. Sam sent a Tweet out the other week expressing the view that consultants get paid the most money whilst delivering the least value. Sam is of course entitled to his perspective but I’m not comfortable with it. Continue reading